urgency and the creative process
At this point in time the only moments that i do not feel a sense of urgency are when i am in the studio. The more fragility and flaw i can identify through my process the more i feel i have gotten to the core of the work. It is subtle. The kind of subtle that comes with getting older. We do not know or feel ourselves aging in our earlier years – but we are. We age daily.
One beautiful wisdom of age is that we begin to realize the process and once we begin to realize that process, urgency sets in. That urgency may be different – taking many forms. What is consistent is that all of the years of not being direct, confident, not saying what you feel, listening more than you should have, losing yourself in others lives, working at things that provided little or no joy, taking the advice that was against your better judgement- as your gut turned while you moved against your own soul; that, that thing. That feeling. Those moments taking years, a week or a day. They equal urgency. A physical thrust that sits in the cavities of your upper body – close to your heart. That you feel pulling out of you or perhaps more specifically, pulling you forward.
Urgency has its own power and is its own animal to be respected. Heading clearly without obstacle. A difference from earlier years of clouded judgement. This instinct, peppered with intellect and your experience has taught you when to say no, when to close the door, when to stop fighting yourself – or not to doubt. You know – you have met and are in your own trajectory. You are in the moment of what was going to happen. Urgency is moving you forward into the moments in which you were meant to be – that you instinctively knew and now they are here.
It is a shock to be so clear- no longer muddied with confusion. Instead the vision is crystal. The question then arises of how to continue on the trajectory when others around you are not “with” you or understanding you.
Life is a constant change – shedding an old skin (this should not be confused with “reinventing yourself” which is based in falsehood) and growing into what has come. We do not stay the same -realizing that is part of urgency. The youth that does not recognize urgency thinks we remain the same – we do not. We leave that existing skin as our trajectory changes our environment. This is natural. Urgency is recognizing everything simultaneously with clarity – accepting it in the moment -wearing it and moving forward with fierce determination and precision.
Not everyone who witnesses this phenomenon will accept it. Urgency has no choice- it is about a path that has been determined and must be traveled. You are no longer in the same skin.